- The internet and digital technologies are here to stay
Keep calm and acquaint yourself with the ways in which you can make it as safe as possible for use in your home and for those in your family. The digital age is real and has found place in almost every aspect of our lives. Instead of wishing it away, take some time to get to understand how it impacts your family life and assess whether or not the ways in which various media of communication enabled through and by the internet are compatible with your family values and goals. Do not be afraid of what you do not understand, empower yourself with knowledge so you know what you are up against.
- Be open-minded to the communication preferences of your teen
There is a constant temptation to think and live as though your teen is you. Logically you know that is not the case. They have parts of you biologically, and perhaps even some of your mannerisms and personality traits, but they are no less a separate being from yourself. Often separateness is evident in difference. Differences are not a bad thing all the time. Your adolescent child may express that they prefer to be communicated with in certain manner which may be different from your own. Maybe your teen prefers texts over face to face conversation when discussing certain topics. Make room for this. Sure it may not always be practical or even wise to accommodate all preference. However where possible negotiate for the best possible outcome. Remember, you want to encourage your teen to feel safe and confident to communicate honestly with you.
- Non-verbal communication is still a thing
Speech is possibly the most frequently relied on means of communication in our society. There is ample attention and weight on the spoken word. We expect that people best express their emotions, thoughts and actions via speech so much so that we risk giving attention to other means of communication. Verbally communicating need, emotion, thought, ambitions etc. is not the strength of every person. Pay attention to the other ways in which your teen may be trying to get a message across. Give weight to the things they leave unsaid. Be attentive to silence, body movements, behavioral patterns and other forms of communication. Be discerning with photographs and drawings if your child is artistic in that way. In every way that your child is communicating, give an affirmation of listening. To be able to do that, you must accept that your teen may not always choose verbal communication to communicate even the most important pieces of information about themselves and the world they live in.
- Your teen is constantly watching how you communicate
You would be surprised to learn that although your teen seems to never listen to what you say when you are saying it to them directly, they are attentive to what you say, how you say it, when you say it and to whom you say it. They are constantly watching for verbal and nonverbal cues from you. They take from you how to be – and not to be – in the world. There really isn’t anything you can do about this. Perhaps it is sufficient to know that your adolescent child did not completely outgrow watching you, and mimicking you, for clues about the world, themselves and others. With this in mind, take every opportunity you can to communicate love, truth, kindness, encouragement and positivity in your words, actions, and choices.
- If it is good, if it is true, if it is just, if it is beneficial – do not leave it unsaid
Far too much goes unsaid between child and parent. Sometimes what is said is not what is meant, and what is meant is that which is left unuttered. It is better to always live in the moment fully. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone at all, nor is an opportunity missed ever perfectly regained. So do not take for granted moments of connection and open communication between yourself and your teen. Chasten in love and patience, celebrate without comparison or counting losses. Whatever you do, remember that the fragility of life denies you the option of leaving anything unsaid.