“Mjolo/umjolo” (noun): slang word for “romantic relationships” – Urban Dictionary
Whether you are in an entanglement,“situationship”, vibing or a singleton; you would agree that dating is more complicated than what your favourite romantic comedy would have you believe. This is partly because romcoms are notoriously unrealistic FACT! The modern dating scene with all its rules of engagement is evolving almost as fast as the Coronavirus variants.
Let’s backtrack to the traditional western dating pattern…
- An endearing first encounter is traditionally a face to face encounter
- Followed by a humble request for a date and multiple follow-up dates that foster emotional intimacy traditionally these can go on for years
- Then once in a stable relationship then only sexual intimacy begins traditionally it will be in marriage.
For those born after the 1990’s this might seem like a mystical narrative, let me not even touch on the delicacies of religious courtships. Point is, the digital age with its instant gratification motto has changed the rules of “Mjolo”.
Modern dating patterns are not as sequential or predictable as that of their traditional counterpart.
The modern patterns of dating currently looks like this:
Today, one can forgo the initial physical encounter and, instead, peruse through multiple online profiles and bravely conclude that they have made an accurate assessment of someone’s entire character.
Real chat, social media and online dating are great facilitators for human connection because they broaden your social reach beyond your current social circle. This makes finding a lover more probable statistically. This method of mate selection is also more efficient, at your convenience, and offers an overwhelming variety of people to select from. Probability and convenience do come at a price however. As Mark Mason puts it,
“the problem is that giving too many fucks is bad for your mental health. It causes you to become overly attached to the superficial and fake, to dedicate your life to chasing a mirage of happiness and satisfaction.” The subtle art of not giving a f*ck.
I guess what Mark Mason is highlighting are the unhealthy gains of consumerism. All apps whether educational or for entertainment are online businesses. The growing numbers of apps developed is more a sign of our attachment to the superficial and fake, rather than our desire for mental wellbeing. Additionally, our social media craze has incentivised people to lie in order to depict a desirable image of themselves.
As for Instant gratification – let’s pause here for a moment. This mindset has influenced the manner in which many people engage with “umjolo”. For instance, sexual intimacy can find itself as early on the timeline as the first encounter, and emotional intimacy further down.
Overall, modern dating patterns are plural in nature because they emerge at a time of diversity in sexual preferences & practices, moreover, with shifting religious stances, and evolving societal norms. The question worth asking yourself is: Should I be embracing this evolution?
My answer: It depends! The idea of having many ways in which we can reach the same end is certainly progressive and should be encouraged. The multiple paths to finding love should be as inclusive as possible.
The ultimate verdict on whether all of this is good or bad lies with you, the participant of “umjolo”. Even then, finding the answer is not simple. You would have to take into consideration your entire worldview and everything that shapes it. However you wish to navigate dating in modern society, just remember to always do what’s right for you.
Ubusha Bami futsi yimi lo – My youth and this is me! ©
One comment on “Mjolo: Modern dating patterns”
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This is beautiful❤️
I love how it articulated the change in generations. From traditional to modern.
One would then wonder, in our modern way of doing things, are we truly in love or are we infatuated? Or are we driven by our desire for passion?
I love this literary🍾