Love yours! Self-esteem: How do you esteem yourself?

The Self-esteem

Written by Dr Mandy Mpatlanyane

May, 4, 2022

In the highly acclaimed The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, Stephen R. Covey writes  ‘We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or, as we are conditioned to see it.’

On a recent visit to my old high school my sister and I walked through the assembly hall. Above the chairs and desks – classic symbols of a school –  hung gorgeous varnished wooden boards. On them were rows and rows of golden letters inscribing names of students who achieved greatly during their time there. My sister and I mumbled each name, an expression of awe at the impressive achievements of these young people, and curiosity about their current whereabouts. It didn’t take too long before we spotted something familiar : my own name rendered in golden letters – not once but a couple of times. My sister cheerfully oohed and aahed until she could coherently let out a solid “hawu, I didn’t know you were head of that as well!” I smiled awkwardly. At that moment I realised that the girl named on those boards was not the same girl looking at them. The girl looking doesn’t see herself as a leader, but a silent follower. 

It is true. Currently my world looks dark, skeptical, sarcastic and nihilistic. I wear a “it is what it is!” attitude over my shoulders, and anxiety around my neck. Not exactly the kind of attributes, attitudes or perspectives that scream “Leadership”. I haven’t always been this way though – the golden inscription is clear evidence. In high school I saw myself as a worthy, strong young lady who was capable of great things. I saw the world as fertile grounds of potential. How I saw myself determined how I saw the world, and more importantly, what I believed was possible in it. I saw myself as a leader, as excellent, as committed. That was who I was and so it became what I did and was, and am, capable of. 

If the windows of the soul are the eyes, then those windows can open into a clean, fragrant & beautiful room or a dark, dirty, poorly maintained dungeon. Light isn’t prevented from coming in through the windows but it matters what it illuminates. Neglecting self-awareness, self-affirmation, self-care and self-love maintains dark dungeons. Herein thrive unpleasant creepy crawlies known as fear, doubt, apathy and anxiety about ordinary living.

Creepy crawlies unfortunately affect how you relate to others and how we allow others to relate to us. This is evident even in our sexual interactions. I’ve heard many stories of people who allowed others to touch them, use them or make them do unpleasant sexual activities because they did not feel worthy of respect, love and consideration. As you can tell by now, it’s imperative to have a healthy self-esteem. 

For these reasons, this series gives due attention to self-esteem. The Self-esteem articles look at different agonist and antagonist factors influencing our self-esteem, and subsequently how these influence sexual and reproduction views. We hope at the end of this series our readers “Get in the habit of celebrating yourself from skin to marrow. You are magic” (Upile Chisala). Yes, because there is “No such thing as a life that’s better than yours! No such thing, no such thing” (J. Cole).  

References:

1.  Stephen R. Covey, 2004. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Free Press.

2. Upile Chisala, 2015. Soft magic. Andrews McMeel Publishing.

3. Calvin James Price, Carl E. McCormick,  Jermaine L. Cole, Ramon Jr. Ibanga, 2015. Love Yourz.  Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group. 

Ubusha Bami futhi yimi lo – My youth and this is me! © 4 May 2022