I grew up in a very superstitious and open family. Ours is the kind of family that will skip right to the “star signs” page of a magazine then spend the next couple of hours matching our personality traits to whatever Miss Luna Ocean said were the definitive traits of a ‘Sagittarius woman’. I must say, nothing is quite as satisfying as matching your zodiac sign to the ‘T’ – yes not even matching socks after laundry day.
A by-product of this matchy-matchy activity is that you become prone to going about life trying to match one thing with another believing that the right match will give you the answers to life’s big questions. Yes, you start to live as if pattern-making is a way of extracting meaning from life itself. I realised this when I noticed that I had become somewhat obsessed with attempting to figure people out before they had a chance to tell and show me who they are. By that I mean I unwittingly imposed patterns from which I drew conclusions, before examining the evidence presented.
In this world of mine, there was significant meaning in everything – there were no coincidences i.e The folds and creases of my hands that naturally appear to show me how my skin rests at the clench of a fist had a meaning deeper than the anatomical explanation. One possibility was that the ‘Y’ in the middle of my palm was for my first name, and the ‘M’ that ran from the fold of my thumb through the bottom of my hand, topping off at my four fingers, told me the name of my future partner. Heck if not his name then at least his surname. Nothing was simply “just nature”.
Now as a young adult I realise that some of my meaning-making was just off. I have equally realised that a lot of the things I labelled as “who I am” or “how I was raised” are not necessarily a strength or something I can get away with not changing. As a matter of fact, often times my flaws have hidden behind these two phrases. Sometimes we use such phrases as a shield to protect ourselves from being challenged – from admitting that our flaws have become visible to ourselves and others. Of course we’d rather keep our vulnerable spots from others! But nothing stays hidden. Somewhere, somehow, someone shines a light into hidden places and you have little choice but accept that these now visible “flaws” are a part of who you are, and they do not have to define you entirely.
I have lost a lot of people because of my guarded nature, my judgements before the facts, and my ego which would not allow me to see the need to allow people to get to know who I am too. Avoiding the possibility of being seen, really seen, has meant I equally forfeited reciprocal relationships. I was absolutely fine with being the one-sided good listener but never the one to be heard – but that eventually took its toll on me. What was done in the name of “it’s just who I am” backfired. We always risk exposing our flaws and vulnerabilities when we let people in; when we allow them to really see us. But having flaws and being seen is not a threat, it can definitely be our superpower too.
Being the person that looks for meaning in the circles of fingerprints or how some people have four joint lines on their fingers instead of three, also means you are the person who is most likely to see things and people beyond what meets the eye. It means when a person walks in the room, you read the text of their body, careful to hear their body movement and words unspoken.
Life is balance – A perfect system where your flaws can co-exist with your strengths, and can even be strengths in particular situations. This balance and co-existence brings forth the best version of ourselves. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships or with acquaintances, it’s important to maintain a healthy relationship with your flaws and spots of vulnerability. We are all a little creased, and not just at the palm of our hands. So we best accept that our flaws co-exist with our strengths. Accepting this not only means gaining peace with ourselves, but also with our decision to let others see us – really see us.
References:
- Image – https://pin.it/5gUWh7i
Ubusha Bami futhi yimi lo – My youth and this is me! © 10 August 2022
2 comments on “Creases: The flaws about myself”
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