Sexual and reproductive choices are not without implications. Whether you encourage your teen to practice abstinence or safe sex, every decision comes at a cost. It is therefore important that as a parent you communicate some of the involved costs that your teen needs to be aware of so they can be empowered to make the best decision they can for the life that they envision for themselves.
- Physical costs
It is intuitive to regard decisions about sexual and reproductive health as decisions about the physical body. After all, it is the body that is most evidently impacted by sexual and reproductive choices. This being the case, it is important that a conversation on the implications of different choices includes the ways in which the body will be affected by the choice to have sex or abstinence. Speak to your child about the risks of STIs, the impact of pregnancy on the body, etc. Allergies, or possibilities thereof, to contraceptives and condoms are also to be taken seriously as these do affect the body and the experience of sex. It is important that as a parent you bring awareness to your child about the physical implications of their sexual and reproductive choices.
- Social costs
Cultures have numerous rituals and norms that mark sex permissible, legal, legitimate and desirable, just as they are taboos around sex. In modern culture some of these norms include going on dates, buying gifts, and hosting weddings. Not only do these events and rituals come with financial costs, but also social pressures. Your teen is more attentive than you assume. They have paid attention to how you speak about, and act towards, people in your community that abide or transgress social norms around sex. Your teen is juggling numerous social pressures. It is not easy to make the most sound decisions. Be gentle, kind and understanding.
- Emotional costs
Just as there are physical and social implications to sexual and reproductive choices, so too are there emotional implications. Both abstinence and sexual activity impact and are impacted by our emotions. The decisions we make in this area of our lives can be based on how we feel about ourselves, about others and about sex itself. It is important that parents have honest age-appropriate conversations with their, and around, their teen regarding the emotional responsibilities that come with making decisions about one’s health and rights. It is important to remind your teen about the amount of emotional maturity necessary to make sound decisions that protect both themselves and their partner, just as it is important for them to note that their emotions are a guide for decision making but not the ultimate authority on issues that will impact them for their whole lives. Create space for your teen to express their concerns and feelings with minimal judgment or being dismissive. You are more likely to get the desired outcome by affirming existing emotions yet directing their expression, than with invalidating emotions that are real.
- Psychological costs
Health care professionals have noted that teenage pregnancy comes with increased stress, risk of depression and anxiety, and poor adaptation to changes in circumstances. The social stigma against teen pregnancy or contracting of STIs or even being sexually active makes it such that sexually active adolescents endure various stressors. Likewise teens deal with various peer pressures related to sexuality, dating, sex and reproduction. As such it is wise to watch out for red flags in your teen that might be signaling psychological distress. Again, you can be stern and responsible as a parent while being kind, understanding and patient.
- Financial costs
In many households the distinction between parent and child is stark. The role of the parent is primarily marked out by taking on the financial burden of the household, while the child benefits from this. Until your adolescent youth must provide for their own material needs, it is unlikely that they will have a real sense of how expensive things are – even less so the costs that come with childbearing and rearing. One way to help your teen comprehend the cost of living is to involve them in the financial discussions and planning of the household. Not only is this an eye opener but also empowering for them as well.