The Gloss effect: What an outer appearance does for the inner you
Written by Ms Mpho Matshili
August, 18, 2022
Hair done, nails done, a hot summer body and the perfect outfit to match it! We all want others to see us as confident, likable AKA the “you won’t break my soul!” vibes — even if we don’t necessarily feel that way all the time.
We want to make sure that we show up in a way that not only makes us look good but makes us feel good about ourselves as well. This desire most often shows itself in the way we present ourselves to the world. i.e., the clothes we wear, the makeup we put on, the way we style our hair and the overall way in which we present ourselves.
Physical appearance and self-esteem are closely linked. Our perception of how others rate how we look can have a great impact on the value we place on ourselves and how much self-confidence we have in our day-to-day lives. When we believe or perceive others to grant a low rating on how we look, the ability to feel good about ourselves significantly drops. Sadly, the drop is seldom contained in a single situation or moment, but more often than not pours into the way in which we relate to others and who we believe we are in our interpersonal relationships overall.
Feedback from others is a powerful force. For as long as I can remember, I have received negative feedback about my height and body structure. Needless to say, this made me incredibly insecure about my body. So much so that feeling comfortable bare-skinned in front of my romantic partners has been incredibly difficult. I especially struggled to be fully present in my pregnancy journey because I spent more time worrying about, and trying to control, the changes that were happening to my body than appreciating this new experience.
Considering the magnitude of the outward-inward relationship, it is no wonder many people over compensate with outer appearance for what they feel are inadequacies about themselves. Yes, sometimes presentation is compensation. Theorist Carl Rogers says, “we want to feel, experience and behave in ways which are consistent with our self-image and which reflect what we would like to be like, our ideal-self”. A great part of determining who the ideal-self is depends on the feedback we get from others when we attempt to be a certain way.
Just like lipgloss, we present ourselves to the world in ways that glisten and look good, hoping that this ‘distracting shine’ facilitates the secretion of the happy hormone, dopamine. As we make ourselves known to the world through our various dress styles, hairstyles and other preferences, a great part of each one of us is holding out hope that eventually the inner being will feel safe, confident and accepted. That we will no longer need to perform the presentation of the self, but be it. We all know all too well that nothing tops a genuine feeling of internal adequacy. How glorious is that which glitters and is actual gold.
References:
- Image – https://pin.it/iRQagg8
- Break my soul (lyrics) – Beyonce
Ubusha Bami futhi yimi lo – My youth and this is me! © 18 August 2022