It’s another morning. I’ve been wrestling to start the day. I make my way to the bathroom. I spot a familiar image in the mirror. I stop and look. It is a reflection of my face. I take another look – real look.

“You are so beautiful!” That’s what a stranger said to me recently. My response, as per usual, was to receive the compliment with a kind word and a smile – “Thank you!” As the words left my mouth a thought entered my mind. Am I really beautiful? I stare back at the mirror, studying the image in the mirror more intensely, interrogating the landscape of my face in search for the answer. Is it true? Is this beauty? 

A few years ago, Dove, the beauty company, conducted a two-step study: ‘Dove Real Beauty Sketches’ as part of their self-esteem project. In the first step, women sitting behind a mysterious curtain describe themselves to a FBI forensic artist. The agent draws a portrait of each woman based on this description. In the second step other participants are asked to describe the same women while the agent draws a portrait based on the descriptions. 

What was clear when the two types of portraits were compared was that the ones based on other people’s descriptions were more accurate, beautiful and happier than the self-described ones. Turns out others find you more beautiful than you think yourself to be and you are your worst critic. Why don’t we think we’re beautiful? 

Simply put it is because we’ve internalised unattainable fictitious standards of beauty. Subsequently, when we fail to meet these standards, we interpret it as a personal failure, as well as evidence that we aren’t, and can never be, beautiful. 

When I study myself in the mirror, what I am really asking is whether I can look like the leading lady in the movies – you know, the fairytale princess, the model and icon of beauty. In other words, I am looking for the Hollywood beauty in me.

Hollywood-pedia says this “ordinary” must undergo a transformation before success is attained. Just look at The Cinderella Story, Julia Roberts on Pretty Woman, and the Princess Diaries. My preference for pants over dresses, sneakers over heels and ofcourse comfort first & above everything else, means I dispose of any chance of being that girl.

But is this really the case? Will I never qualify as beautiful? Will I never get the ‘happily ever after’? Will I never kiss the guy? Will I never get the job? Yes, beauty is linked to sex and attraction. Yes, how I esteem myself is influenced by my perception of beauty, sex and attraction. Yes, self-esteem can impact sexual decisions. Yes, it is likely that a low self-esteem puts me at higher risk for seeking the validation of others, which can lead to poor decisions. Yes, it can also be a stumbling block to an organic progression of genuine relationships too. [2] 

BUT with all that being a possibility, an equal possibility is being able to  attain all that as I am. 

Facts are, yes! I can qualify as beautiful because I am and others think so too. 

• Yes, I can get the ‘happily ever after’ because human beings are dynamic and attraction is premised on more than physical preference. 
• Yes, I can kiss the guy because I am worthy and capable of love. 
• Yes, I will get the job because I am intelligent, competent and open myself up to lifelong learning. 

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Physical appearance is but one component of beauty. In some circumstances physical appearance is not even the most crucial component. Sip that up. I may always prefer pants over dresses, sneakers over heels. And that is just fine because a woman that is true and comfortable with who she is, is beautiful.  

I look back at the mirror and revisit what the stranger said. And you know what? I believe them. I am beautiful. Perspective of beauty is a choice no one can take or bestow on you. It is not a box you need to fit into – it’s a playground you are free to play in. Play your heart out! Say ‘yes’ to your beauty, beautiful.

References:

[1] image: https://pin.it/3kEsWCK 

[2] Dove, “Dove,” April 2013. [Online]. Available: https://www.dove.com/us/en/stories/campaigns/real-beauty-sketches.html#. 

[3] E. Cooper, “bird,” 05 July 2021. [Online]. Available: https://www.biird.co/blogs/thenest/howdoes-self-esteem-affect-your-sexuality. [Accessed 29 March 2022]

Ubusha Bami futhi yimi lo – My youth and this is me! © 18 May 2022